That just about sums me up.

Someone came to my blog today through the search engine terms “x-rated knitting needles.” Do you even understand how that made me feel?

PROUD, people. PROUD.



Yarn zen.

I’ve always had a problem with crafts. I become a crazed, obsessive person, trying to purchase every tool, storage unit and item necessary for the craft. I’d work with it intensely for a few weeks, then it would fade away.

Knitting hasn’t really been that way for me. I’m still obsessive, yes, but it’s been a different kind of obsession. A winding down of my day. A getaway during lunch. A distraction during long car rides. It’s no different than some of my other crafty indulgences, except that I seem to get more satisfaction out of working and completing projects.

I like the feel of the yarn in my hands, the formation of the piece step by step, until the product is RIGHT THERE, in front of me, done. I like the click of the needles. Choosing the project. Deciding which yarn to use. Even frogging and redoing holds some appeal. I like that it can be un- and re-done. You can easily fix your mistakes. Or knit through it, not worrying about the tiny things that no one knows or cares about except you. I can knit something flawless or something full of flaws and love it just the same. Every time I learn something new, decode part of a pattern or tackle something different, I feel strangely powerful. From holding two sticks together and knotting some string. I think it is because there are so many moments in my day where I just don’t feel right. Where I should/could/can do a better job at my job, at being a mother, at being a wife. I beat myself up for not being good enough while beating myself up for not trying hard enough¬† while beating myself up for beating myself up. But when I knit…it’s just me and that piece of yarn, makin’ somehin’.

It also doesn’t hurt that people are amazed at what I’m doing…because I AM an attention whore, you know.


This g-d washcloth. Now with monkey tease!

See this picture? Doesn’t the washcloth look great so far? Aren’t the loops perfect? The color, so nice?

Yeah! This is the picture I took right before I frogged it. Three times. Two because I wasn’t creating the loops right and they’d unravel when I’d get to the wrong side (never a good idea to skip 2 solid lines of instructions). Speaking of not reading directions…do you remember doing the activity in grade school where your teacher would say 15 times, “Be sure you read ALL of the directions first?” And you’d meticulously go through each step of the directions and create some lame-ass picture and be so proud you read EVERY SINGLE DIRECTION CAREFULLY AND COMPLETELY…until you got to the end where it said, “Don’t do any of steps X – X.” So you were supposed to¬† turn in a blank sheet of paper? Remember those? I f-ing hated those. Maybe because THEY GOT ME EVERY TIME.

I frogged the washcloth the third time because after I’d knit 6 rows, I realized the washcloth would be perfect…if my children were the size of Barbie dolls. Seriously. I am going to tell you now – I hate to swatch. Knit 16 rows so I can MEASURE IT? Are you kidding? Of courses, I’ve knit about 30 so far and am now on row 2 of my fourth attempt, so….so whatever. I’m not swatching until I have to.

I ended up doubling the cast-on from 24 to 48. I think it’s going to be the perfect size for scrubba-dubbing in the tub with the boys.


PS. Here’s some monkey tease.

He’s not looking at the camera because he’s shy. AND HE HAS NO EYES! He’s one scary mo’ fo’ right now. Maybe tomorrow I will drag my happy ass to the store for some buttons. Or maybe my coworker’s baby will like a monkey with no eyes. I’m sure that will cause absolutely no damage to the child. (Hey, look at me! Damaging OTHER people’s children for once!)

PPS. My oldest, The Dude, wants a monkey now. So we’re going to pick out some yarn….


Monkey is nearly finished…piecing him together and stuffing and sewing have taken nearly as long as it took to knit them. So irritating. I hate putting them together, but Chuckles is definitely coming together.

Because the monkey isn’t as mobile now, I started on the lion washcloth. I’m using Cotton Ease yarn in Terrocotta. It’s a nice orangey red color and is going to look fantastic as a washcloth.

I’m building myself a regular freakin’ zoo around here.


You know that feeling?

You know how you feel when you find a $20 bill in your pocket in a pair of pants you haven’t worn in awhile?

I felt like that today when I remembered I had a whole bag o’ stuffin’ in my junk closet.

Yeah – I’m that cool.


Where have you been all of my life?

I found this spectacular knitting technique. Now, before I share it, I am going to warn you: it may blow your ass out. So I hope you’re sitting down. And holding your butt cheeks tightly together.

This technique shows you how to WEAVE THE ENDS IN WHILE KNITTING! I know! I know! Stop shouting!


I haven’t been this giddy in quite some time. Like, since yesterday, yo.


Cool squared.

I’ve been looking for a throw pattern to make so I can have a nice afghan for our basement. We redid the basement in the last year or so. The walls are an aqua/bluish/greenish color, with one wall and the bathroom painted burnt orange. The decor (or what I’m going for) is modern/contemporary and I wanted to create something that was unique and crazy cool. You know, like me.

I bought this yarn from my LYS more than a year ago.

I love this yarn so much. It’s the perfect orangey red color and it’s alpaca wool – super soft. The problem? I have frogged the beginnings of three separate blankets. Every time I think I’ve hit on the perfect pattern, I get going and hate it. That is why I heart Ravelry. I found a thread on one of its forums asking for obscure patterns, and I found this:

I love these people! They are mathematical, so the patterns aren’t made like traditional patterns, and the completed afghans are a demonstration of a mathematical concept. From their page on Ravelry:

“The design represents a discovery that can be found in many maths textbooks – it is the smallest number of different size squares that a larger square can be split into.”

So, not only is it a kick-ass design, but it’s totally geeky cool. Love it, love it, love it! I’m going to use the orange with maybe a bluish turquoise, cream and chocolate brown. I don’t know, though. I just don’t know!!! I’m so excited to go yarn shopping I’m about to bust.